Welcome back to our series on Listening Blockers! Tonight we are going to cover Listening Blocker #8 – Being Right.
#8 – Being Right
This blockers protects you from hearing anything that suggests you are less than perfect. To avoid any suggestion that you might be wrong, you will lie, shout, change the subject, justify, quibble, yell, scream, make excuses, accuse, and otherwise fight off every criticism thrown your way.
For example, let’s say that Becky expressed concern about overdue notices and asked Tom if he paid the dentist bill or is she should pay it. Tom takes this as an implied criticism and spits out that “paying bills on time is stupid! Let them wait – we’ll keep the money and collect interest until after they send a second notice. Now lay off me will you?” Tom never heard how anxious Becky felt about getting the overdue notices and how growing up her parents used to do the same thing and many times forgot to pay which saw them getting poor credit scores because of their behavior.
If you have been keeping up with this series of posts, I hope that by now, you are seeing a pattern that the spouse who is using the blockers has fell into. Each spouse using a blocker makes an assumption about the other spouses intent and instead of clearing that up with them immediately, instead they last out in ways that are hurtful to their spouse.
If this behavior keeps up, over time, the hurtful words just keep on building up and building up until the couple stops communicating in healthy ways altogether.
Here is some news for you – you do not have to right all the time and not every battle is worth dying for!!! If you and your spouse find yourselves arguing over every little thing, you have to ask yourself, “Is everything even worth fighting over?” The answer is, no it is not. It is an indicator that you both are at a place in your relationship where you have lost the ability to communicate with each other in a loving and respectful way.
When this happens, it is time to seek professional help. Again, if the two if you could have worked it out by now, you would have, you it is clear you have not. Therefore, the best and fastest way to get back to feeling like you did about your spouse the day you married them is to seek professional counseling help. We can give you the tools you need to begin communicating, understanding, and loving your spouse like you used to.
Wow, only 2 more to go!! I promise I will get back to one-off posts in the near future, but I have had so many people reach out to me about communication issues recently that I thought it would be helpful to work through these blockers with you, and it turns out that these have been extremely popular and well shared posts, so that you for that and thank you for your continued readership here at the blog.
See you back tomorrow evening for part 9 of 10 of the Listening Blockers to loving communication.
Pastor Brad Komgenick