And here we are at the end if the Listening Blockers list! Communication, or more specifically the breakdown of communication is the number one reason why couples begin having issues that can potentially lead to divorce.
I simply cannot talk about communication enough when I am working with couples who are going through counseling. The information I have shared over the past 10 days is absolutely crucial for couple to learn if they are serious about wanting to heal broken relationships.
It is my hope that you have found this information helpful. If you find you have any questions about any of it, please feel free to email me and I will be happy to discuss any of it with you. Ok, onto Listening Blocker #10 – Placating.
#10 – Placating
In placating, you simply agree with anything and everything your spouse says in the hopes that they will simply be quiet. As soon as your spouse expresses doubt, irritation, anger, or anxiety, you jump in with, “Yes dear….your right dear….I know dear…..I’m sorry dear….I’ll fix that right away dear.” You simply do not give your spouse enough time to express their thoughts and feelings to you. Also when you simply agree with absolutely everything that is said to you, you are sending a clear message to your spouse that they are right all the time and you are wrong. Trust me when I say that that much later on when you finally decide to stop placating and actually have an opinion, your spouse will always remind you that for the last few month you have done nothing but agree with them about your behavior!
Placating is simply a form of giving up. You no longer feel like you have anything to say to your spouse and that is a dangerous place to be in your relationship. If you honestly feel like you have no opinions or nothing else to say to your spouse, then that is the best time to tell them your feeling this way. If you let this behavior linger for a long period of time you will most certainly find yourself in a place with your spouse where all communication will soon shut down.
So this brings our Listening Blockers series to an end. Would you be surprised if I told you that I easily could have went on to list about 50 more listening blockers? Trust me when I tell you that there is nothing more important to your marriages than communication. Remember how cool it was when you first met your spouse and you couldn’t wait to talk to them on the phone? In fact you would even sit on the phone with them for hours even when neither of you were saying anything? Or remember how awesome it was when you would go out to eat together and just look into each others eyes and you could almost tell what the other person was thinking or was about to say?
Did you know you can easily get right back to that very place again? If you feel like you need help and you want to get back there, then by all means please reach out to me. I want nothing more than to help you get back to awesome communication with your spouse.
Thank you so much for staying with me during this series! It may have been long, but I just know that with the feedback I have gotten so far, a lot of good information has been passed on and is being used to heal relationships.
Pastor Brad Komgenick