Tonight I want to share some very serious and very Biblical teaching with you that I know will help those who are struggling with people, particularly within your own familes and especially parents, who just refuse to act in a Bibilical, loving manner.
Just today as I was counceling a a gentleman, he shared with me that he felt he needed to go on anxiety medication because his Mom is literally driving him crazy. It seems according to his Mom, the world revolves around her. She goes out of her way to talk badly about this man to his brothers, his sisters, and even his best friends. In fact, he found out that at his own wedding, his Mom was spreading rumors that he had multiple affairs. To make matters worse, she even told this to his wife’s parents of all people at his wedding!! This is classic narcissistic behavior and in most cases, is ony curable with medication and years of therary. The problem is, narcisists view therapy as completely useless and almost always refuse the treatment. Therefore, their family members seem doomed to have to deal with their issues for ever.
Well, that’s not true and God understood this. What I m about to share with you are not my words. They are God’s words, written in the Bible so that we would have a way to deal with famiy members, particularly Mom’s and Dad’s who do not act like a Mom or Dd should. You may not like what I m about to share or agree with it, but again, these are God’s words, not mine.
As a Pastor, I know the Bible really well: I know it in multiple languages (Greek, Latin, Hebrew, and English) and I know it in about 5 translations and many different versions. I had to learn it this way in order to be ordained through my college and to be licensed as a BiblicalCounselor. I have written multiple hundred page papers on just about every Book within the Bible. Even with all of this knowledge, I was amazed at what I read in Titus 3:9-10.
You see, I grew up reading and knowing the virtue taught in the Bible, “You are to honor your Father and your Mother.” This is not hard to understand at all, that is until your Mom tells your wife’s parents, at your wedding, that you have cheated on her many times before!! Now of course, we are to forgive as Jesus demands of us, and forgiving in this situation is not impossible.
But let me teach you something that I hope will help relieve your pain – you do NOT have to continue to have a relationship with any parent that treats you like this – nor does God wat you to!!! That is why God gave us Titus 3:9-10.
Here is Titus 3:9-10 (NIV) for you (and I hope you will not take my word for it but look it up in your Bible as well):
10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. 11 You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.
Please read this slowly and carefully. It does not say, “Have nothing to do with them unless they are your parents” does it? No it does not. It says “Have nothing to do with them” PERIOD.
You see, just because you have a child does not make you a Mom or a Dad. Any parent who acts with evil intentions or causes strife within any family is a Mom or Dad by title only! This may be a controverial statement but it is a true and Biblical statement. Even Jesus’ own brothers called him insane and ran Him out of town!
Therefore, if your parent is caustic and treating you with evil intentions to hurt you, you must do the following:
- Warn them once face to face – tell them how they are hurting you and how it makes you feel, and ask them to stop
- If they contuinue, warn them a second time and this time tell them the next time they act in this manner, you will cut ties with them.
- If there is a third time, walk away and cut ties with them. Period.
But Pastor Brad, does this not break the “You must honor your Mother and Father” command? No it does not. Again, a Mother or Father would 100% NOT treat you in that manner repeatedly, especially after warnings.
Abusive behavior, FROM ANYONE, is never to be tolerated and God put Titus 3:9-10 in the Bible for our safety.
When I shared this Biblical insight with the gentleman today, he broke down crying – in relief. He shared with me that he feels like the worlds largest weight has been removed from his neck and that he can breathe again.
Friends, God loves you far too much to ever want you to honor any Mother or Father who is abusive to you either verbally or physically, especially after you have warned them twice. God would never hold it against you nor want you to stay in contact with a person who would intentionally treat you with malicious intent in their hearts. That is of the devil and God will have no part of it and neither should you.
It is okay to walk away – God says so. Read it for yourself in Titus 3:9-10. I beg that you would heed God’s sound advice.
This does not mean that you will never speak to them again. They may seek God’s forgiveness, repent, and come back to you with a remosreful heart and beg forgiveness from you, in which case you would gladly welcome them home.
But you can forgive someone and never speak to them again. Please know that while this is always a last resort, it is a perfectly Biblical and logical action to take to save yourself from potentially harming yourself mentally.
I would never teach you anything that is NOT in the BIble. I love you too much for that and I also know that God would certainly see to it that I paid dearly and personally for doing something like that. I take teaching God’s Word with the utmost respect. I simply want to give you the Biblical tools you need to ensure that you live the best life you can.
If you would like to discuss this with me, please feel free to email me at email@example.com and I will be happy to speak with you about this.
Pastor Brad Komgenick