For most people, the last thing they will say to their soon-to-be spouse at their wedding is “I Do.” Two very simple words that state your agreement to the vows that you just made to one another.
I can remember so vividly the moment that the door in the back of the church opened and my soon-to-be wife, arm and arm with her Dad, came walking down the aisle. I won’t lie, I actually started crying (for the first time that day and not the last!). She was the absolute most beautiful angel that God ever created and for some crazy reason, she chose me!
I had never been happier in my entire life than I was that very minute. It will forever be a memory that I will have and cherish. I do not need any pictures to remind me of that moment. I can simply close my eyes and I can see all of the vivid colors of that day. I can smell all of the various flowers that lined the aisle that day. I can hear the church organ begin to get louder and louder the closer my bride got to the stage. I can remember what it felt like when she took my hand in hers and we looked each other directly in the eye. Pure love and joy!
It was the perfect moment!! “I DO!!!” I DID!!!!
Twenty-five years later and that day is still as happy and meaningful to me today as it was then. Now please don’t get me wrong, every day of our lives has not been as smooth as that day. Remember, I’m a Pastor so I do my best not to lie!!! We certainly have had our share of ups and downs, major and minor ones, and we both have said and done things that we wish we would not have said and done. We are human after all!
But the reason we have lasted through the worst of times is this: nothing is more important to us than each other (besides God of course!). No matter what we may say or do to each other, at the end of the day, we two together are all that matter. What God brought together, no man, women, or sin will tear apart. We simply will not let it.
The key to our marriage’s success to this day is this: true, loving, connected communication and loving each other even when it may feel like we don’t want to. When we have had poor communication, we ended up hurting each other badly. When we have been in great communication with each other, well it is awesome!! It truly is that simple.
Our theory for life is like this:
- God comes first always, in all ways
- Family is right behind God
- Helping others will always be something that our entire family is passionate about
- Make sure we are all communicating as best as we can in 1-3 above
When we follow this simple plan, we have found that our lives are being lived as God would want them to and God blesses our lives and work. When we get out of alignment, we lose that blessing and God reminds us that we are out of whack and consequences for our actions and words come.
While communication seems like it is #4, it truly is in ALL aspects of our lives. By putting God first, that means we worship God at church on Sundays, we are talking with Him at all times through out every day, we each have alone time with God, and we do small groups with other people who hold us accountable.
Our family as a whole unit is an amazing accountability partner. Yes there are times when the Pastor does not feel like getting up and going to church. That is when his wife and kids jump up and down on the bed until he gets up and gets himself ready! We each pull the other people up when we are feeling down.
Great communication is what real loving relationships, especially marriages, are built upon. Show me a marriage in trouble, and I will show you two people who are no longer communicating properly. I have never met a couple who came to me for help who were communicating in loving, caring ways with each other.
“Well that’s easier said than done!” Yes that is exactly how most marriage counseling sessions with me start. But before long, I will be working with both of you to first seek to understand the hurt that has developed in your marriage. Then we will focus on hearing the heart of your spouse, their true feelings. We will then work on admitting where we have hurt the other person, we will repent of that hurt, and then ask for forgiveness.
I guarantee that by the time we are done, your marriage will be just as it was the day you were married. Now that will not happen overnight, but remember, it did not get this way overnight. Hurt takes some time to remove from a marriage.
But would you not like to get back to that wonderful, magical day when you looked your spouse in the eye and said, “I Do!”? You can! Thirty five couples on average each month attend my marriage seminars and on average, only one couple that joins us decides that divorce is the only out. This is on top of the countless other couples who I work with each week who are finding their ways back to a marriage worth fighting for.
“I Do!” Two little words for sure that say so very much. “I Do!” In sickness, and in health, and when I don’t feel like it, and when I say hurtful things to you, and when you say hurtful things to me, and even when we have not been talking to each other or sleeping in the same room.
“I Do!” Even when it seems like you are no longer the person I married, even when the outside world and the devil are telling us it is better if we just give up and divorce.
If you are in a place in your marriage where you know you need help, then I hope you will stick around this week because I will be sharing with you ways in which you can begin to change your current situation and it will culminate in my first video on Sunday of this week. You will not want to miss it. Please let me urge you to immediately seek help if you feel your marriage is in danger. You simply cannot put a price on your marriage. Yes it will be hard work to begin healing, but I believe you are worth it and so is your marriage!
I hope you will come back tomorrow evening as I teach you about “Seeking to Uproot the Hurt” in your marriage.
Thanks so much for your time tonight! We love you here at God’s Light and may God bless you!
Pastor Brad Komgenick