In case you missed the previous 3 parts to my U.N.I.T.E. marriage therapy methodology, you can catch them at the links below.
U.N.I.T.E. – Part 1 – U.N.I.T.E. – Understand the Hurt
U.N.I.T.E. – Part 2 – Need To Hear Their Feelings – U.N.I.T.E. Part 2
U.N.I.T.E. – Part 3 – I Own My Actions – U.N.I.T.E. – Part 3
Today, we are going to finish up with the T. and the E. in U.N.I.T.E.
The T. is for Tell Them You Repent. The E. is for Express Your Need for Forgiveness.
Let’s ask John and Judy to finish us the process for us so that we can have the full picture of it.
John: Judy, I am so very sorry that I hurt you with my words and actions. You know I love you and I never, ever want to make you feel this way again. I will do my best to make sure this never happens again.
Here, John is repenting of his actions that caused Judy the hurt feelings. John is also continuing to fan the flames of love by being willing to admit that he has made some mistakes along the way.
And finally John, finish this out right for us please!
John: Judy will you forgive me for what I did?
This is so key to this process. Without this step, the process would not be complete. You see what John is doing is now giving the power to Judy to decide if she is ready to truly forgive John for his actions. Judy has the right here to say to John, “John I am not quite ready to fully forgive you yet but I am going to work toward getting there, and thank you for listening to me and understanding my feelings. That took a lot for you to do and I appreciate that and I love you for it!”
The very last step is to give each other a hug to seal the deal.
Ok so now you understand the steps that are a must in order to begin to rebuild the way you communicate with your spouse. This methodology has been like a miracle for many people. Spouses are beginning to feel heard, understood, appreciated, and enlightened by this type of communication. There is no yelling, there is no judgment, there is no hidden agendas, there is no defending – there is simply true two-way communication that seeks to understand the other person and the reality of how they are feeling and why.
I promise you that if you put this kind of communication tool in place, and you stick to the steps I have outlined here for you, you will soon find yourself on the path to healing in a broken marriage or relationship.
Being a counselor and a pastor, I can attest to the fact that this process is time proves and it works! The success rates speak for themselves, but I also urge you to watch this weeks video on this process where I will read you actual testimonials from real couples who have been through this process with me. You will hear where they struggled, what they thought about it going into it and what they think about it today, and finally any advice they have for new couples starting this process.
If you and your spouse need help getting back to the way “it used to be” I would love to help you with that as I have done for well over 300 couples now. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to begin the discussion on how we can get your marriage back on track.
May God bless, and with Love,
Pastor Brad Komgenick