To begin, Happy Mothers Day to all the Moms out there! It may not always be obvious, we your family love you, appreciate you, and need you. As well, God never misses a single thing you do for your family and He is always there for you as you sometimes struggle through your duties and your worries.
Now I must turn my attention to the Fathers and Husbands out there. You see, we have an official crisis on our hands men. If you do not know what I’m referring to it is simply this – the total lack of Godly, Spiritual men who are the leaders of their families as God instructs us to be in the Bible.
I’m going to be frank, open, and honest here because we are in deep trouble at the moment. The number of men that I run into in my personal life as well as the hundreds that I have and am currently counseling/coaching who are nowhere near godly, spiritual leaders in their homes is staggering. And the excuses they give for not doing so is appalling.
Men, going to work and bringing home a paycheck for your family IS NOT being the spiritual leader of your family. It is one small aspect of it, but it is NOT the entire commitment. Don’t get me wrong, it is a very important aspect of your role as a husband, but again, it is only PART of your aspect of a husband. There are many, many other aspects that we as men continually fall very short on.
What are those things we fall short on? For starters, how about attuning to your wife and kids? By attuning I mean full on, 100% in the moment listening to what they need and want to say to you and then responding in a caring manner? Woman and children have a desperate need to feel like they are heard and have a voice. Hard to do that when you work all the time!! In fact, it is impossible to do when you work all the time! Here’s another fact – your job and your money do not love you. Your job could be taken from you in a heartbeat in our world today. But more importantly your family could leave you just as quickly if you neglect them long enough or deprioritize them over money and other things. Your wife and children do love you and need you, and they need you there with them, praying with and for them and in front of them so that you are setting the example standard that they should live by. This way when you cannot be with them, God will be with them protecting them for you. If they do not see you praying and worshiping, then why should they? And then God get totally left out of the picture. Be truthful with me, when was the last time you and your wife prayed together, or did a devotional together? If your answer is never or not very often, you are part of the problem and not part of the solution!
Attuning is very important and so is teaching and advising. Children are absolutely full of questions about their world, about God and Jesus, and about the Bible. Men you need to step up and be the pastor of your home. You need to guide them in what is right and what is wrong – when they need to step away from friends who are bad for them to be around – and why praying and worshiping are a vital part of their lives. When you take the time to pray over your children before they go to bed at night, they will drift off to sleep knowing that not only are you there to protect them and make them feel safe, but also that God is there protecting them as well. This nurtures a sense of peace and security in them that is priceless. Your job and money will never fill that need for them.
Your wife needs all of these same things men. They often work too and then come home to having to cook meals, clean dishes, take out trash, help kids with homework, get the kids to bed, pay the bills, the list goes on and on. If you took into consideration how much you would pay someone to do all of these “extra” things for you, your wife would make double what you make! No one ever said that it was your wife responsibility to do all these things. You need to be the example and do your part? Did you not eat off those dishes too? Did you not wear those clothes in the hamper? Does your car not go to the grocery store too? The answers to all of these is “Yes” by the way!!!
Now I realize that women want to feel empowered in their lives and do not want to feel ruled over by their husbands. But I have yet to meet the woman, no matter how independent they want to feel, who would say no to their husband helping them out and making some of the bigger decisions for the family.
Men, I’m asking you to be the godly, strong, spiritual leader of your families. Yes this means making some hard decisions for your family and they will have to go along with your decision. For example, maybe your child wants to do spend the night with a friend who you know is trouble. It will mean you have to be the “bad guy” but since you know that friend is trouble, then you must be firm in saying no to that request. And the child cannot be allowed to play the old “end around” game and go ask Mom. You and Mom must present a united front and “no” remains the answer, with an explanation of why not instead of “because I said so.”
If I may be allowed to give an example of why this is currently a problem in America today. Our church recently asked for volunteers for a missions trip. Of the 18 people who signed up for the trip only 2 were men. Our church has 8,000 people in it. 2 men signed up!!! Here are some statistics on this issue:
60% of Americas rapists, and 72% of adolescent murders, and 70% of long term prison inmates grew up in a home without a Father!!!!!
Tonight 4 children in 10 will go to bed in a household where the Father is absent or not acting as the true Godly leader of their home
1 in every 2 children, by the time they are 18, will spend time living in a home with only 1 of their biological parents
See any problems with these numbers? Are the effects of men not being Godly leaders of their families more clear now? Women cannot and should not bear the brunt of running our families. God commands us to be the strong, spiritual leaders of our families.
I challenge you to take an inventory of your life men and answer yourselves truly – are you the TRUE godly, strong, spiritual leader of your family? Do you want to be? Because if you are not, you are heading for disaster. Far too many children are living in families where the father works too much, pays no attention to them, is emotionally bankrupt and has no idea how to be real and emotional with their wives and children, and simply feels like because they are men, women are better prepared to deal with these issues.
I can tell you that if this is you, please go ahead and contact my office to begin your marriage counseling because you are headed for a divorce soon. The statistic prove this out time after time. The vast majority of couples I counsel never communicate to each other and when communication breaks down so follows the marriage.
Men on this Mother’s Day I challenge you man to man – stop living for yourself and start being the strong, godly and spiritual leader God commands you to be. There is no time like the present. If you have no clue how to start, then please contact my offices at 317-379-2842 and we can begin the discussions with you on how to get started and how to finish strong.
I also urge you to seek out men’s groups who focus on becoming this type of leader for your home. I guarantee you that your life will instantly become better and so will your marriages and your relationships as well.
With a prayer in my heart that this message will sink deep into your hearts men and drive you to action to begin being who God commands you to be,
God’s Light Christian Counseling