As a Christian Counselor, this is something that I hear from far too many of my clients. They start off by telling me what the major problem was that brought them to me to begin with.
Next they point fingers at each other and point out every bad trait they can think of to build up “their side” that their partner is the real problem.
Usually within about 20 minutes we are at the point where one or the other of them will tell me, “They are not making me happy any longer.”
Tell me, when you got married, do you ever remember hearing anything in your vows or in what your Pastor said that implicitly stated – “Oh and from this day forward it is your spouses job to make you happy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?” No you did not, and nor would you have signed up for such nonsense.
Here is some news you won’t like to hear, but you need to hear it – it is not your spouses job to make you happy!!! Shocking, I know, but true. Now don’t get me wrong, this does not mean that they should willing make you mad or upset.
Where the real problem sits is within your expectations. You expect that they will do what you want them to do to make you happy and when they do not, you ASSUME they are either doing it on purpose to make you mad, or that they no longer love you.
Never ASSUME anything. Assumptions are exactly what the devil would like for you to make all of your decisions from, because assumptions are always WRONG.
Look, I cannot expect my wife to spend all of her waking minutes living to make me happy. My wife does things that do make me happy because she loves me, she chooses to do those things of her own free will, I have clearly communicated the things that she does that makes me happy so she clearly knows what those things are, and finally she wants to continue to do those things because I show grand appreciation to her whenever she does any of those things.
And the same goes for me when I do things that make her happy. Folks, it is all in great communication. How can someone do things to make you happy when you have never communicated what you would like them to do and you never show appreciation for them?
Also, all ASSUMPTIONS in a marriage have to stop immediately. When you make assumptions, you do so without having the real facts, which means any decisions that turn into actions will be based upon lies and falsehoods – just like Satan likes!
Marriage is now and always has been a two way street. Happy marriages reside at the corner of Love and Respect streets. God tells women to “respect” their husbands, and God tells husbands to “love” their wives. When a woman does not feel loved, she will not show respect. When a man does not feel respected, he will not show love. This is a Catch-22 that ends many a marriage today.
Start showing the love men – start showing the respect ladies – and above all COMMUNICATE to each other how you are feeling, why you are feeling that way, and what you need from your spouse so that they will know.
Your happiness should ultimately come from knowing that Jesus loves you no matter what and He has placed you with your spouse for all eternity. Jesus wants you to communicate well, treat each other with both love and respect, and finally keep Jesus first in your life so that He will always be there to help you.
If you are struggling currently in your marriage, we are prepared to help you here at God’s Light Christian Counseling. Please head to our Testimonials page to read many stories for our past and current clients as they explain what you can expect from us. As well, your first video session with us is always free for you as we establish our relationship together. Call us today at 317-379-2842 to schedule your appointment. There is nothing on Earth more precious than your spouse and your family and we can help you get back to the way things were the day you both said “I Do”.
May God bless you and your family,
Pastor, and Lead Counselor at God’s Light Christian Counseling